And that's why I was grateful to find an article by Meghan O'Rourke, called "Good Grief," while listening to my latest favorite podcast, To The Best of Our Knowledge (click here for the segment). O'Rourke's story, and her interview are the closest thing I've found to a proper description of what grieving is really like, from the physical hit your body takes including a less than perfect immune system, to the length of time it takes to get over losing someone altogether:
"...even “normal” grief often endures for at least two years rather than weeks, peaking within six months and then dissipating. Additional studies suggest that grief comes in waves, welling up and dominating your emotional life, then subsiding, only to recur."
This article and these references would have been a great help to me during the first 12 months after my Pops had passed, maybe they'll be helpful to you or someone you love.
I'm not sure you ever get over this. Not sure you're supposed to. If you love someone, you miss them when they are gone, and dying is the big gone. I cry being away from my husband for more than a couple of weeks, even though I know I'll see him again, so if I knew I'd never see him again, I'm pretty sure I'd cry a lot. Forever. Even if I'd "gotten over it" and was getting on with my life.
ReplyDeleteLosing your dad is one of the most profound things that can happen to a human being. There is no "getting over it" -- I lost mine in 2003, and I still feel deeply. The feelings haven't lessened, but they've somehow shifted. I still feel like we're connected. Here's a blog from a woman in the UK who is dealing with it all now, hers is a little fresher. Hope it helps. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeletehttp://deaddaddiaries.lydiaprior.com/